Call Me For The Answer!!!

Oprah recently did a Lifeclass with Greg Behrendt and his wife Amiira Ruotola about dating myths. Behrendt is the author of the book He’s Just Not That Into You, and they have just co-authored a book called It’s Just A F***ing Date. Their no nonsense approach to dating is designed to put women in control and help them to stop feeling as they have to alter themselves in order to find the right guy. Of course, I will admit that all of the talk about single-dom generally revolves around what women are doing wrong. We talk too much, we reveal too much, we don’t make guys wait, we’re not vulnerable enough, etc. Then everything guys are doing wrong is chalked up to “they’re just guys.” I resent this dating conversation, because it takes two to tango. However, one thing that I did like about the class is the part of the discussion about the ways mobile and digital communication have changed dating. A discussion was sparked between the men and women in the audience about texting. Text messages allow us to fall into vague, bad communication patterns with the person we’re dating without risking anything as we over analyze everything. I personally hate texting people I do not know well. I think that until you know someone’s speech pattern, word choices, and tone of voice, texting them is a bad idea. You end up over analyzing everything they type and texts between strangers often come off  as curt and snarky. As a single person whose dating life is about as alive as pine trees in the Sahara, I was happy to see that I am not the only one who finds courting through text awkward and impersonal.

WATCH THE VIDEO HERE!!!

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Empathy and vulnerability

The researchers concluded that “the present work finds that people assume that, relative to whites, blacks feel less pain because they have faced more hardship.”

I watched Oprah’s Lifeclass Part 2 with Dr. Brene Brown last night. She is a sociologist who studies courage and vulnerability. Brene Brown started gaining national recognition when her TEDTalk based on her book Daring Greatly went viral.  Essentially in her research she was searching to find out what made the happiest, most success and fulfilled people, happy, successful, and fulfilled. She found that those people were the most courageous and that courage requires vulnerability. If you are not vulnerable you are unfulfilled because you are not living authentically because you have all of these walls keeping you from living your best life. Got it? If not, here is a link to her TEDTalk. She had a wonderful section of the talk about vulnerability for minorities and LGBT communities, but it was too complex and awesome to capture in a quote. Here are some of her quotes from last night’s Lifeclass on opening yourself up to vulnerability:

  1. “I want to be able to say ‘I contributed more than I criticized.'”

  2. Cool is an armor.

  3. Everything is not supposed to be happy and comfortable all the time

  4. There are no prerequisites to worthiness. 

  5. Empathy is the antidote to shame. 

  6. Write your story on the arena walls.

  7. When perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun, and fear is the annoying backseat driver.

 

Then I read this article by Jason Silverstein on Slate.com titled “Racial empathy gap: Why white people don’t feel black people’s pain”  

 

I have not read the study and this is not an endorsement of the research, just food for thought.